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February 2nd, 2013.
9:47am. 

I am so excited. I’ve just weighed myself, and the scales said 148.2. Agh! :D And I measure around my tummy 37.5 inches. I’m slowly getting there! When I reach 146lbs, I will officially weigh the lowest I have weighed in probably about a year! I’m doing this and it’s making me SO happy! It’s been rather sunny too since yesterday, and my does that really improve my mood. I can’t WAIT for summer, so I can get a bikini and go swimming and feel proud of myself, and sexy! ^_^ I swear when I get skinny enough I’m going to put my fishnets and stockings on again and attack my boyfriend. xD. I can’t wait!

♥

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January 23rd, 2013.
12:15pm.

Yesterday I made myself a life planner:


(Click image to enlarge)

I’ve always known that I need a little guidance in life, so sticking to this will really help me. The hardest part will be the working out part, but I can handle it! I think in a month’s time I’m going to do some comparing to see how far I’ve come from sticking to my plan. ^_^ This morning I measured my tummy, and I’m down to just under 88 inches. Which is brilliant! Now I only have 4-5 more inches to lose before I can fit into my belle’s-amazing-arse shorts. I was talking to my friend this morning about losing weight and other similar topics, and it made me SO excited thinking about fitting into my old clothes again. This picture is what made me get all fuzzy excited tummy:

 

Sometimes I actually can’t believe I was ever that thin. As strange as it sounds, part of me believes that I took that picture knowing that someday, I’d need the inspiration. But it just shows what I can and will be! So this morning I woke up, and did my morning work out. I can cross that off today’s activities now. It took me a little while to get out of bed and be motivated enough, but I did it. (Well I say this morning, and I only woke up about an hour or so ago, but nevermind…. ;) haha). I can do this. I can do this! :D 
Right. I’m going to scoot away and get today’s tasks done!

♥

P.S. It’s snowing again.<3

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January 21st, 2013.
11:07am. 

I have just woken up from the most terrifying dream! I don’t know what brought it on, but I woke up trying to force the words, “Protect this house from evil!” out from my mouth over and over again, but couldn’t. Scary! And it was one of those that effects you so much, you think it’s real. Thankfully it isn’t! I suppose I’d better start explaining it before I forget:

   I can’t really remember the majority of the beginning of the dream, except first of all, I kept seeing a lot of red orbs around the house. I thought I was literally losing my mind. I kept seeing them everywhere, and nobody else did, and it was so frustrating having nobody believe me.
   They’d first appear as a red sort of.. blur, and then transform into orbs. The first one I recall was hovering over a step behind my house. They appeared like this for a while, until they became thicker, and I actually saw one of my cats playing with one like it was a big rubber ball. I can remember saying, “Tell me you can’t see that?!” to my boyfriend. He couldn’t see it.
   Then, as time passed, the orb brought the image of a presumably demonic little girl in a red jacket, sort of along the lines of a Little Red Riding Hood’s jacket. This made me become even more unsettled.
   I noticed my cats began being sick a lot. A particular image I remember, was my Mr cat, Chibi, and one of the kittens, Maris, underneath a table in the dining room being sick really violently all over each other. Yuck. So obviously I began getting more and more alarmed, until finally, things started happening in the house.
   A pair of big red headphones was suspended in mid air for about three minutes next to the door that leads from the kitchen into the hallway. My boyfriend actually saw this, thankfully! I can remember us staring at the headphones and shouting my brother, and of course they immediately fell from their suspension to the floor, and he came in to see nothing. I can’t remember whether he believed us or not.
   The thing that scared me the most, was when everybody went out in the last portion of my dream. It was just me in the house. Windows were flung open, trinkets were knocked off sides, and the worst thing, the “curtain” (not really a curtain, a bedsheet, actually, that I have hanging in the window behind me to act as a curtain) across from my bed was flung over onto the bed where I was lying tangled in the duvet, and a big warm body somehow spawned inside it. It was huge.
   What surprised me upon reflection was, when confronted with the large living object in my sheets, I immediately shoved my arm around the side, and grabbed it and pulled as HARD as I could to bring the being out on to me and cause it some damage. (Here’s where things get weird and dream like). I felt an ear. Like a cat’s ear. Then fur, then a leg…
It turned out to be a panther.
…..What?
….Yeah, a panther.
A big, enormous, evil panther.
   I can remember struggling to fight it with it sprawled on top of me, looking at me with its big panthery-evil eyes. Then I think I was waking up because there was an unexpected scene change, and I was downstairs, but unable to speak properly. I pinned this down to being that I had a cold in the dream and had lost my voice, but it was most likely fear.
   I remember running around and trying to shout (here comes the beginning of this entry), “Protect this house from evil!” and trying to draw out the Christian cross across my chest. (I have no idea why, I’m not Christian!)
   The final scene was me running up to my bedroom and repeating said actions. And then I woke up, and I am almost certain that I had been physically trying to shout out those words, but was unable to. Isn’t it odd how dreams do that?! 

SO, that was my horrific  terrifying dream. It doesn’t seem much now that I’ve read it through, but dear god when I awoke I was so scared I remember running to the toilet room and trying to get myself together! 
No more dreams like that plz.

 ♥

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January 19th, 2013.
3:47pm. 

I have decided to set up a blog within my tumblr page, instead of using my livejournal because lets face it, I’m more likely to update my entries on here. (And nobody will know about it unless they bother to traipse onto my page, and click the link. Score! ;D) I know that with this whole “page” thing on tumblr you can only have one solid page and not a bunch of entries, but if I put those 10 dashes up there above/below every post I make, it’ll give the impression of a proper blog. Nifty, huh? :D Right. A few words about my current state of mind: (Oh, I also fucking love how you can write anything you like here and it won’t be published onto people’s dashboards unless you want it to be. Amazing! It’s really nice knowing my thoughts won’t be published and are still sort of… private.) Righteighterhigoinerightrighright. I AM ON A JOURNEY TO GET FIT/THINNER. I know I have said this COUNTLESS times before but this time, I am going to do it. Seriously I am. I’ve already lost 9 pounds, and I have 38 more to lose, which isn’t really a lot compared to other people’s journeys that I’ve seen (but more on that here). Basically I’m embarking on this journey because I’ve had enough of feeling so negative about myself, and I’m past that now, buuuuut I still have a long way to go, and a lot of clothes that I want to fit back into! So I can honestly say I am motivated. I’m also trying to find myself a job because it is so annoying sitting inside all day! (Actually, it’s not. I love it. But what I don’t love, is the lack of money. It’s shyte! Anyway)
It’s been snowing a lot recently. And if any of you know me personally, you will know that I fucking LOVEEEEE snow. So much. It’s just so…beautiful, as cheesy as that word is nowadays. And at night time when it snows it looks like little sparkles are falling in front of the street lamps.<3 I think weather like this makes me feel more inspired about life, however the travel disruptions don’t work out in my favour (or my poor boyfriends as he is travelling to work). There’s something mystifying about sitting and looking out of your window and seeing a glistening blanket of icy snow all over everything. It makes things look tidier. And I am tremendously obsessed with things being tidy. I pulled the lids for the cat litter trays out of the freezer room/pile of crap room earlier, and, as lame as it sounds, this actually gave me a little shred of delight because I realised that the amount of mess they produce will be rapidly reduced, (little Maricat has developed an obsession with going to the toilet and then burying her waste so much that it gets kicked into the corner in a little pile and goes over the top of the litter tray. I once hoovered up a tiny bit of poo once, it was horrendous, haha. Yuck!) and not only that, the smell will be so much less. Hooray! Infact, because I am such a sad little act, I am going to post the picture I posted earlier:

So much cleaner! Yey!
I need to start doing regular violin practice AS WELL as my regular workouts, too. I am not going to kick start this weight loss by sitting on my arse all day! …As much as I’d like to. For some reason I’m sitting here feeling a pinch of nostalgia and I don’t quite know why…. and it’s making me want to watch The Hoobs….

Weird! Anyway, keeping to the theme of The Hoobs, I shall bid you a toodledoodledoo! ;D

♥ 

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